Grocery Shopping
by nannygirl
Summary: Join the Formans on a regular trip to the grocery store.


_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing, don't even know Kurtwood Smith or Debra Jo Rupp. But boy wouldn't that be cool. I do like grocery shopping though!_

_**Author's Note: **__Hello All! Just thought I'd post this short fic. I wrote it the day after I went grocery shopping with my Mom. That's always fun well for me. She says I just go to spend her money, that's only partly true lol. Anywoo I was in the mood for a Red and Kitty fic and suddenly remembered that there are several scenes where the two of them are coming home from the grocery store, each holding a bag, and then this happened. Hope you liked, I really had fun writing it! Enjoy!_

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**Grocery Shopping**

Written on: October 18, 2009 5:46 PM–October 18, 2009 11:43 PM _(True Story)_

"Alright, here we go." Kitty said as she pushed a shopping cart towards her husband.

Red always insisted on pushing the cart, whenever he came with Kitty to the market. The minute Kitty had her back towards Red; he discarded her basket and grabbed another. Just like Red insisted on pushing the basket, Kitty insisted on getting the basket that had a tire that was just about ready to fall off.

Or at least it seemed that way to Red.

"Kitty, do we really have to come here_ today_?" Red groaned as the couple entered the store.

"No." Kitty shook her head, "If you're fine with having cereal with orange juice, instead of milk, for the_ rest_ of the week then no. We can leave right now."

Red sighed, "Fine." He mumbled as he followed his wife. "But didn't we_ just_ come here on Saturday?"

"The boys have big appetites." Kitty answered as she skimmed through the stores' sales ad.

Red rolled his eyes at his wife's obliviousness. He had a good feeling what was behind their 'big appetites.'

"Bunch of dumbasses potheads." He muttered, not knowing his wife could hear him.

"Now Red, they're just growing boys." She reminded, "And those girls need to eat too, they're _too_ thin. Now don't let me forget the eggs. We can't do anything without them. Oh, but we need to go to the produce section, first."

Kitty walked ahead of her husband and over to the fruits and vegetables. Red took his time to catch up to her, letting his eyes skim over the magazine stand that was beside one of the registers. Deciding on the newest issue of _The National Inquire_, Red grabbed the tabloid, placed it on the area of the basket where a child should sit, flipped open the paper, and looked over the articles.

As he read an article on Elvis talking from the grave, he pushed the basket to where he knew his wife was waiting. He never once did he have to look up from the paper.

The two of them had done this so many times, he could probably tell you just how many square tiles there were on the floor.

A few seconds after making a complete stop, Red felt a small jerk on the basket. He looked up to see his wife placing several different plastic bags into their cart. Red grimaced as he saw the content of the bags. Fruits and vegetables.

"Kitty, why do you buy so much of this crap?" Red questioned, "You know, the kids won't eat any of it unless you put it in a pie. You're wasting my money."

Kitty froze before putting the fourth plastic bag into the cart, and giving him a glare that said everything she needed to say.

"Alright _our_ money."

"Well Red, if you're so concerned about this stuff wasting away," Kitty stared to say, "then _you_ can eat whatever's not made into a pie."

Red frowned. That wasn't what he was trying to get to happen. What good would that do?

"Me? Why?!"

Kitty looked up from the basket "Because we don't want a repeat of the kids' graduation day."

His heart attack. The damn thing that had caused Kitty to start a whole, healthy eating diet. For him. Of course he didn't want another heart attack, the first one made a real big dent in his wallet. But he also didn't want to eat this crap.

"If we really didn't want a repeat of that day we'd get rid of the foreign kid." Red dryly replied.

"Oh Red." Kitty slightly scolded, "Ok now what else do we need." She said out loud as she began to mentally scan through her kitchen cupboards.

"You know, if you wrote down a list…" Red interrupted with his two cents.

"Red, I do not need a list." Kitty firmly argued, "I have been shopping for our family for over twenty years, I _do not_ need a list."

"It would make things go a lot faster." Red said to himself as he turned his attention back to the paper, not paying attention to the death glared his wife was sending his way.

"Oh, bacon!" Kitty practically shouted as the thought entered her head.

The couple walked over to the refrigerated section of the store. They walked past several aisles that Red was almost positive they would walk back to in a few minutes. That would be different if they had a list.

They stopped in front of the shelf where the various brands of bacon where stored. Red watched his wife take not one or two but three packages of uncooked bacon from the shelf and place them into the basket. And then made another trip to grab three more.

Red eyed his wife, "You're a cruel woman, Kitty."

It had been three months since he had been allowed to enjoy more than a piece of bacon. And when he said a piece he meant _a piece_. One piece, once a week.

Kitty smiled slightly at the frowning Red.

"I love you too, honey." She said before tippy-toeing and kissing his cheek.

Red grunted in response. Kitty, however didn't care; she was too busy trying to think of what else they needed to get.

"Oh, I know." Kitty said to herself and then headed to the aisle marked 'Canned Foods.'

Red followed Kitty until he walked passed one of his favorite aisles. He watched Kitty disappear inside the other aisle and waited to see if she noticed his absence. A few seconds later and nothing. He guessed he was safe.

Taking a few steps back, Red entered his desired aisle. The junk food aisle.

Ever since the heart attack, Kitty had made sure to keep the junk food out of his reach. Hiding it in various spaces and only telling the kids where it was at. Of course there were several occasions when Red would find the hidden stashes. Only usually, all that would be left would be the empty boxes.

His stomach growled as he looked through the various snacks. All the salty, fatty, unhealthy snacks. He needed to get _something._

But it had to be something that wasn't too big. Something Kitty wouldn't be able to find, here or at home. Something that wouldn't do too much damage to his heart, or else he really would hear it. But of course, it had to be tasty too.

Finally he decided on a bag of potato chips. It wasn't a small bag, but it was just small enough to keep hidden from Kitty. Grabbing the bag Red threw it into the cart and then covered it with the packages of bacon and the healthy stuff he would soon be forced to eat.

Once the item was safely hidden, Red headed to the next aisle to find his wife. He had been in the junk food aisle for awhile and didn't need Kitty to start getting suspicious on his whereabouts. She might actually search through the basket.

Lucky for him, when he caught up to his wife she was standing infront of the canned vegetables. She probably hadn't even noticed he was gone. Her attention was on the two cans of peas that she held up next to each of her ears, shaking them each slightly.

"What're the peas saying today?" Red asked as stood beside his wife.

To any husband coming grocery shopping with his wife for the first time, seeing his wife listening to cans of peas would cause a great panic. The man would be on the phone reserving a rubber room for his wife. But not Red Forman, he knew exactly what his wife was doing.

Of course that didn't mean he didn't see her as crazy.

"I don't know." Kitty said frowning slightly as she pulled the cans away and examined them.

"This one sounds like it has more peas and less water." She said lifting up the one in her right hand, before lifting the other one just a bit higher, "But this one has a dent."

Red nodded his head. He also knew the deal with the dents. You get a dented can and you got five cents off. The problem was finding a can that wasn't filled with water and had a dent. Sometimes it was nearly impossible.

"You sure that one has more peas?" he asked and she nodded, "Alright, take that one."

"But…"

"Just take it, I'll figure something out." Red assured her.

"Ok." Kitty answered not sounding quite sure, but still she placed the can into the cart and walked off ahead.

Red waited until his wife was inside the next aisle, a continuation of the canned foods, before doing what he had to do. Looking around to make sure there was no one else in the aisle besides him, he reached into the basket and grabbed the can of peas. He then threw the can to the ground creating a loud banging noise.

After waiting a few seconds to make sure no one came to check on the noise, Red bent down to retrieve the can. He examined the exterior and sure enough found what he was looking for. It was a small dent, but a dent was a dent. A five cents off, dent.

"What do you know Kitty, I found a dented can with lots of peas." Red told his wife when he reunited with her in the next aisle.

"See, I knew you were a good shopper." She said before giggling and going back to the shelves.

Red frowned as he saw what she was looking at. Canned soups.

"Kitty, what are you doing looking at canned soups?" he asked, "You make your soups from scratch."

"I know." Kitty nodded, "But the in thing now is _instant_. You heat it up and one, two, three you're done."

"Kitty, I am not eating any metal flavored soup."

"It's not metal flavored, Red." Kitty argued. "It's supposed to be very good." Red rolled his eyes in response and so Kitty went on, "Beside, if I make instant meals more often that means less time I spend in the kitchen and more time I spend with you."

Red looked at his wife. He knew that look and that smile. Some more _alone_ time with just the two of them would be nice and very much welcomed. Maybe instant metal flavored soup wouldn't be _too_ bad.

Red shrugged slightly before grabbing several different cans of soup and throwing them into the basket. Never once checking to see what kind of soup he was exactly getting. Kitty laughed at her husbands actions.

"Oh, we need bread!" she quickly said stopping her husband from adding a twelfth can of tomato soup into the cart.

He sighed. The aisle where the bread was kept was one of the aisles they had walked past. One that he knew they would go back to soon enough. Knowing he couldn't do anything else, Red pushed the basket and followed his wife to the bread aisle.

While Kitty picked out the right loaf of bread, Red stood beside her with the basket and _The National Inquire_ back open. He only had three pages left to read. Usually they would be done with the shopping by the time Red finished with whatever he was reading, that way when they got to the register he could put the magazine back. This time could be different if they didn't hurry.

"Red, what is this?"

Red looked up from the article to see Kitty standing infront of him. A frown on her face, one hand on her hip and the other clutching a bag of potato chips.

'_Crap.'_ He thought to himself and then began to talk to his wife.

"A bag of chips."

"Uh huh." Kitty said in a tone that was anything but happy, "And why are they in our basket?"

"Well…" Red began to explain before Kitty cut him off as she continued with what she had to say.

"Because I know _I_ didn't put them in there. And I know _you_ didn't put them in there. Because we both know that _this_ kind of food is what caused your heart attack. Isn't that right, Red?"

"Kitty, you know that isn't true." Red argued, "My damn heart attack was caused by stress and not getting enough exercise, not some good old greasy American food."

"Ok, fine. We'll compromise." Kitty started, "You don't get the chips and I'll make sure you exercise and are stress-free."

Red frowned, "What do I get out of that?"

"You get to live."

With that said Kitty placed the bag of chips onto the near by shelf and then exited the aisle. Red watched her leave and then looked over at the helpless bag. He was tempted to pick it up and throw it back in, but he knew if he did Kitty would probably put all the instant soup back on the shelf.

******

Almost an hour later, the Forman's found themselves waiting in the check-out line. There were at least three people infront of them, each with their baskets fully stocked. Just like The Forman's.

"Damn it Kitty, how am I supposed to pay for all of this?" Red asked as he scowled at their almost full basket.

Kitty shook her head, "Oh Red, don't worry. I've got coupons."

She then reached into her purse and pulled out several little slips of paper. She handed them to Red, letting him skim through them. Some were good and some were just weird.

"Did you really get five boxes of _Jell-o_?" he asked in disbelief.

"You save twenty-five cents that way." Kitty pointed out as she pointed to the coupon Red was looking at, "Besides there's always room for _Jell-o_." she said before finishing with a laugh.

Red rolled his eyes and then went back to searching for any really good coupons. A few seconds later the line moved up as one person left. Unfortunately this was not enough for the impatient Red Forman.

"Why is it that whenever this place is full there are only three registers open," Red began to question, "but when there's only one person in the store they've got the registers lit up like a damn Christmas tree?!"

Kitty shrugged, "Maybe its so people, _who were actually shopping_, can have more time to look through the magazines."

Red rolled his eyes at his wife's comment as she continued to look over the stack of magazines infront of her. As he noticed she was about to grab the same magazine he had been reading during their time here, he decided to stop her.

"No, don't get that one." He said stopping her hand from even touching the paper, "There's nothing interesting in there."

Kitty nodded and then went back to looking for something to read. Red groaned out of frustration, as he saw the line was starting to move but the people in front of him had yet to notice.

"I'm sure the line would move faster if people were actually paying attention." He said directing his words at the young couple who embraced in a deep kiss while standing in front of him and Kitty.

Kitty smiled at the happy couple.

"Oh Red, leave them alone." She said, "They're young and in love. Don't you remember when we were like that?"

"No." he answered almost too quickly.

Kitty frowned at her husband before responding to his answer.

"Well I do." Her smile slowly reappeared "Oh you use to be so sweet, Red. Kissing me in public places, holding my hand, telling me you loved me. Why don't you tell me you love me anymore?"

"What are you talking about?" Red asked his now upset wife, "I tell you I love you."

"Not like you used to." Kitty said with a shake of her head, "You used to tell me at any given chance. Now I'm lucky if I hear it once every two weeks."

"Kitty, you know I don't like to repeat myself." Red groaned.

His defense was weak in Kitty's eyes as she crossed her arms and turned away. Red sighed before looking at the young couple once again. He glared at them. They had started this whole mess and they _still _hadn't moved. The cashier was already checking out their items for God's sake!

Having enough with waiting, Red pushed his basket forward hitting the young man on his back. Not hard but hard enough for him to break his lip lock and turn around to see Red.

"What are you doing looking back here?" Red gruffly asked him, "Look forward and move the damn line."

The couple did so and saw that it was in fact their turn to pay. They both mumbled a soft, "Sorry" before walking up ahead to get their newly purchased products.

A few people behind Red cheered with approval causing Red to grin. However that grin soon disappeared as he turned and saw the disapproving looking on his wife's face. He was in trouble. And not even giving up the week's piece of bacon would help him get on her good side again.

******

Red handed the lighter paper bag to his wife, before grabbing the heavier one himself. They had just finished paying for their groceries and were at last heading for the exit. But Kitty was still upset, she may not have been showing it too much but Red could tell.

"There you see?" Kitty asked as she looked through the long slip of paper, "I saved us two dollars with my coupons."

"Wow, a whole two dollars." Red said deep in sarcasm, "You think we should invest or just spend it all?"

Kitty frowned, "You know a thank you would be nice."

"Thank you." He told her.

It didn't work though. She was still upset and didn't believe him very much. Of course the tone of his voice wasn't any help either. Red sighed out frustration. He hated seeing her upset. He hated what she did to him when she was upset.

"Thank you." He said, sounding much more sincere this time.

The sides of Kitty's lips twitched as she fought back a smile. He wasn't getting away with it that easily.

"You're welcome."

The two walked out of the store in silence. As they walked through the parking lot and to their orange Toyota, Red shifted his bag. He shifted his bag out of his right arm before reaching over and carefully grabbing Kitty's left hand.

Somewhat shocked by the contact, Kitty looked down at their hands and then had her eyes travel up to see Red smirking at her. She gave a small smile and a little laugh before squeezing his hand.

Red gently squeezed back, glad to not have his wife not mad at him anymore, but actually happy. Who knew, maybe he'd get an extra strip of bacon this week or even better maybe they would have some of that instant soup tonight.

******

The orange Toyota drove up the driveway and the married couple emerged from the front seats. In a comfortable silence the two walked to the back of the car.

Red unlocked the trunk and opened it up. He then handed a brown paper bag to Kitty; once again making sure it was the lighter of the two. He grabbed the other bag closed the hood and joined Kitty in the walk into their home.

The minute he stepped inside he actually wished he was back at the supermarket.

See at a supermarket, there might be dumbasses there but then one of you leaves, never to see the other again. Not the case here. Here, his house was always infested with dumbasses, and no matter how hard he tried they _always_ came back.

Inside their avocado colored kitchen were six dumbasses looking both helpless and bored. Jackie and Donna sat slumped down in the kitchen chairs. Eric and Hyde were busy looking through the cabinets. Fez was sitting on the floor against the refrigerator. And Kelso kept banging his head against the counter.

"Hello." Kitty greeted her children softly.

The six heads popped up and looked over to where the voice was heard from. Their eyes became wide and their mouths watered. Instead of a 'hello' another word escaped their lips.

"Food!"

In almost a blur, the two bags had been taken out of both Red and Kitty's hands. The kids took the sacks over to the counter where they continued to search for something to eat. One by one they left the kitchen and down to the basement, their arms overfilling with food.

Red frowned a deep frown while Kitty stared at the scene with wide eyes. The bags were practically empty. Or what used to be bags. The brown paper had been torn by those animals.

Slowly Kitty walked over to the remaining groceries, to see what had been left behind. Red meanwhile, took of his coat and took a seat at the round table.

"Well, they left the fruits and vegetables." Kitty informed her husband.

"Told you."

Ignoring Red's words, Kitty grabbed the plastic bags and went over to the fridge. As she put away the produce she noticed something was missing. Quickly she went back to the destroyed bags, hoping to find what she was looking for.

She didn't.

"Red." She called sounding quite worried.

"What?" he asked, kicking himself for asking.

Kitty gave him an apologetic look before explaining, "I forgot the eggs."

Red's expression didn't change. He just stood up, put on his coat and grabbed his keys off the table.

"Let's go before I change my mind." He called out to Kitty as he opened the sliding door for her.

Kitty nodded in agreement and then walked out the door with Red right behind her as they headed off to the grocery store for the third time this week.

**The End**

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_**Author's Note: **__So what did you think? Yay or Nay? Please lemme know what you think!_

_This story is dedicated to my own Kitty and Red, Mom and Dad, who I just love going shopping with, even if it is just to spend their money. lol jk._

_Also I was thinking about doing more of these shopping fics because it was really fun and I love shopping. Thought I could do it with all the couples and kinda mix 'em up too. Or maybe just Red and Kitty. Idk. What do you think? Lemme know please!_

_Until next time, thanks for reading, hope you liked, please review, take care, and have a nice day!_


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